God Just Revealed a Blessing

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“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. ” Proverbs 31:25-30
I just had a revelation about one of the blessings of growing older.   I’m always having conversations how growing old sucks.  I’m trying to find the good in growing old. God just showed me some good. You appreciate the people who went before you more.  People who set an example for you.  Who looked out for you and protected you.  People you could trust had your best interest at heart, always.  You just didn’t realize it.
God just showed me my Mom was one of those people.  Even more than I thought.
I was eating my sweet potato for lunch, thinking how hard it is to lose weight.  The older I get, the harder it is.  My mind wondered to my Mom.  I started thinking of her at my age.  How active she was.  How she went to Weight Watchers.  Always counting calories, always trying.  I never understood until now how hard she worked.  I took it for granted.
I understand more now than ever because I’m facing the same challenges.  I now understand when she was doing the Special K diets of her generation,  how hard that was for her.  That’s because it’s so much harder losing weight at my age than it has ever been before for me.  She learned this lesson first.  She set a good example for me in how to handle it.  I am grateful she thought of me even then.
I also now understand how hard loss of loved ones is like I never have before.  By the time I was born my Mom had already experienced the loss of her Dad and 2 of her siblings.  A third sibling died while I was a child, Uncle Jim.  I didn’t know that man long, but in the few years I did he left a lasting impression on me.  He was amazing.  I can’t imagine how hard that loss was for my Mom. She lost her Mom shortly after Uncle Jim.  I watched her lose my Dad, the love of her life.   She never  took her wedding rings off the rest of her life.  She lived longer without him than she did with him.  They were married 19 years, she lived 24 years widowed.
I never understood how hard it was, until I experienced the loss of loved ones so deep it cut me to the core.  Now I do.  I’ve lost that deeply now.  I’ve felt that pain.  Not all of it, thank God, but some of it.  Just knowing what I know, without having to face everything she had to face, makes me appreciate her so much more.  I’m praying God doesn’t ask me to face the other things anytime soon.
My Mom always said, “Actions speak louder than words.” I see now, that she knew one day I would experience such pain.  She wanted me to know what to do.  She was setting an example for me.  She wanted me to know, just keep going.  Trust God, do what’s right, keep going.
I do Mom.  I trust God I’ll see you again.  I am trying my best to do what’s right.  Most of all, I’m still going.
 

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