This Is Us!

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 “Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.”  Proverbs 14:26
I just watched “This is Us”, the episode that explained how their dad died.  If you don’t watch the show, you will have no idea what I’m talking about, which is completely fine.
I am a woman who lost her dad when she was 16 years old.  It touched a lot of heart strings for me.  More than I realized were still there.  As  I watched the show, as I watched them tell the daughter her daddy was gone, it broke my heart.  I remember the day my Dad died.  Like Kate in the show, I have regrets.  There were things I could of done that I didn’t, like go visit him at the hospital.  I didn’t go that day, I wanted to sleep in.  I knew the minute my Mom and little brother pulled out of the driveway I had made a mistake.  It was too late.
I called Dad.  He answered the phone.  I’ll never forget it.  I was crying.  I told him I was so sorry I didn’t come.  He forgave me.  Then he told me it was time to say goodbye.  Somehow, he knew too.  I will never understand how he knew.  He let me off the hook.  He told me he would see me again.  I had the opportunity to tell him one last time I loved him.  He told me he loved me too and he would see me soon.
He didn’t die that day, at around 4:00 in the afternoon he drifted into a coma.  My Mom and little brother had barely arrived home when the hospital called us.  We immediately rushed to the hospital to be by his side.
He died two and a half days later.  That is how long it took for all of his family to get there.  The last was my sister-in-law who came from VA.  Her and my Dad a special relationship.  He waited for her.  It was moments afterwards that he passed.  We were all standing around his bed as he took his last breath.
It was surreal.  He took one long breath.  I thought that was it, then he took another long breath.  Then he was gone.  I see it as clearly as if it was yesterday.
When my Dad died, I lost my hero.  He was perfect in my eyes.  Learning that he wasn’t was a hard lesson.  I had him on such a pedestal that when he fell off it, let’s just say it sent my world into turmoil.
I was so young when my Dad died, yet I hear him in my head. “If you’re going to do something, do it right!”  or “Don’t do it half a**ed, do it right!”  My Dad was big on doing it to the best of your ability.  “Do it right or don’t do it at all.”  That has served me well in my life.
My favorite job is my volunteer job.  I love being able to give my time away.  I love that God signs my check.  He signs my benefits.  I love giving it my all.  In my head, I hear my Dad.  I hear his euphemisms in my head and I work harder.   My most favorite thing is doing it right. Every time I do, every time I don’t cut shortcuts, every time I hear my Dad.  “Job well done!”
I’m grateful he taught me how to do my tasks well.  I feel God’s pleasure when I do.  There is nothing else like it.
But wow, I miss my Dad!  So much!
 

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