Developmental Grief

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”All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.”  Psalm 6:6
Yesterday is what I call a grieving day.  It’s the second one I’ve had this year.  Both have been grieving over the loss of my Cody boy.  Both have taken me completely off guard.  I find myself in a flood of tears which don’t want to stop.
I love what a friend just texted me.  I had to write it down because I’m pretty sure yesterday will not be my last grieving day.  However when the next one comes, I’ll understand it more.
Developmental Grief in a nutshell is when grief can be made fresh again due to different developmental points in life such as birthdays and holidays.  In my case, yesterdays can easily be pointed to Halloween and Cody’s birthday in a couple of days.
The part she wanted to share with me is why we still hurt:
“What do you believe occurs for the person who reaches the acceptance stage?  Does “getting over it” mean they have moved past the grief so it doesn’t debilitate them any longer?  In our “check-it-off-the-list and move on” society, we falsely assume that acceptance means the loss no longer impacts our life.  This simply isn’t true.  Acceptance essentially means that a person comes to terms with the reality of their losses and chooses to live in spite of it.  The sorrow will still linger, but the intensity is lessened.  When a person chooses to process the grief, they still have questions, but they aren’t emotionally paralyzed anymore.  The consequences of the loss are still unwelcome, but can be faced head on.”
It’s true.  On grieving days, I often think of verses like Psalm 6:6.  David grieved.  Even Jesus wept (John 11:35). We are allowed to grieve.  In our society though, grief is uncomfortable.  People want everyone to be ok.
On days like yesterday, I remind myself, I don’t live to make other people comfortable.  I live for an audience of One.  God knows my broken heart.  He knows I need to grieve.  He will always be there to comfort me.
I don’t know what you have lost.  I know we have all lost something.  There is so much loss in our world.  Loss of loved ones.  Loss of dreams.  Loss of jobs.  Whatever it is,  understand and give yourself permission to grieve.  It is what will help you keep moving forward to all God has in store for you.
Give yourself permission to grieve.  Let God catch your tears:
”You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”  Psalm 56:8

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