Waves of Grief

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“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
There is a saying I’ve heard which I feel describes how I have experienced grief since losing my nephew Cody.
Grief is like the Ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing.  Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.  All we can do is learn to swim.
Vicki Harrison
It is so true.  It comes in waves.  Unfortunately, as time goes by, you never know when those waves are going to hit you.  I find they will knock me over because I had my back turned to it.  I didn’t see it coming.
Last night was Halloween.  I loved taking Casey and Cody Trick or Treating when they were children.  I loved the excitement and the energy.  Of course I loved the candy.  It was such a treasure.
Saturday is Cody’s birthday.  He would of been 24 years old.  I’m finding the combination of Halloween and his birthday has turned into a 100 ft. wave of grief for me.
Everything seems overwhelming.  The tears have started to roll down my cheeks.  Every time I think they’ve stopped  another one trickles down.
It’s a grieving day.  I’m letting myself have it.  I called a friend. I loved what she said to me.  She said when someone is knocked down what do the Emergency Responders tell you to do?  They tell you not to move or you could hurt yourself even further.  She gave me permission to let this wave wash over me, to let myself grieve.
Strangely, I needed the permission.   I’m not moving.  I’m allowing my heart to ache.  I’m letting the wave wash over me.
No matter how big the wave is, no matter how much the pain.  It was worth having him in my life for the time God gave me with him.  I’m so grateful.
I’m grateful for days like today.  I never want the waves to stop coming.  Even when they knock me down.  I know God will comfort me.  I know I will stand back up. I have learned to swim.  But I never want to forget.
I love you Cody!  I miss you!

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