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Two-minute read.

Using uplifting and encouraging words will build healthy relationships. Everyone has struggles we can’t see; they don’t need abusive language to make them feel worse. Grace-filled language says everything with love. We need to speak truth, but we must do so with kindness, not with hurtful motivations. A few months ago, I heard this statement:

“Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don’t say it mean.”

Unfortunately, I forgot where I heard the words, but I haven’t forgotten the sentiment behind them. No matter what news we must deliver, we can do it well if we couch it in grace. As an ex-mean girl, I know how to do damage with words. But saying hurtful things only revealed the state of my heart, and the pain I felt inside. As I allowed Jesus to heal my hurts, He changed my speech.

Until we can say things with love, we shouldn’t say them at all. If someone presses you on a topic you don’t want to discuss, you always have the option of saying, “I’m not ready to talk about it. I need more time.” Better to wait until you have a clearer perspective than to force an issue that could create problems. Malicious gossip and slander cause irreparable damage, and we shouldn’t partake in any of it. Unwholesome talk of any kind destroys relationships, and we must remain vigilant in what we say.

Words have the power to hurt others. But they also have the power to heal them. If we study Jesus’s speech, we will learn how to use our language to help others, not hurt them. A Master of conversation, Christ asked questions that gave people insight into their actions. Speaking with love, the Lord always has the receiver’s best interest at heart. He never told lies, gossiped, or slandered anyone, but with grace and kindness, the Savior addressed everyone with honesty and love.

Speak only with grace and watch your relationships flourish. Learn from God’s Son how to talk to others and build people up with every word you say. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Become an encourager and let the Lord work through you by speaking only uplifting, encouraging words. Represent Jesus well, not only in what you do, but also in what you say.

Journal Questions:

When have you spoken words you wish you could take back?

How can you become better at speaking the truth in love?

Who needs to hear uplifting and encouraging words from you?

Friendship Application:

Make saying only uplifting and encouraging words a rule in your life.

Two-minute read.

As a person who has struggled with anger issues in the past, today’s verse holds a special place in my heart. Memorizing the 22 words years ago, “slow to get angry,” always comes to mind when I’m faced with a tense situation. Anger rarely produces good fruit, often destroying relationships and causing irrevocable harm. By not speaking, we don’t say things we regret, and when we take the time to listen, we’ll often learn that the person’s complaint has more to do with an issue they struggle with than with something we have done.

Recently, a friend got upset with me because I didn’t do things the way she wanted. When she first started unloading on me, it took me by surprise. Out of nowhere, she began ranting about something completely out of my control. Once she realized I hadn’t caused the problem, she changed her tone and started attacking me from a different angle. Eventually, I discovered her ugly words had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. She had an agenda I knew nothing about, and because the events hadn’t happened as she expected, she couldn’t complete her desired schedule.

During that period of listening to her rant, I prayed for guidance and words from above. Nothing came to me, so I took God’s silence as a cue to stay silent and not engage. Amazingly, I didn’t get angry at her words but recognized they had more to do with her issues than anything I had done. Not speaking helped minimize the situation, not adding fuel to the fire of her words. The few times I spoke only caused another unexpected tangent, so I remained silent and counted down the moments until I could leave, extricating myself from the situation.

Listening in that moment allowed me to discern the truth. Not speaking helped me inject calm into the situation, and not taking her words personally and not getting angry kept the moment from escalating further. By allowing the Lord to lead my actions, I managed to keep my emotions under control, not say anything I regretted, and extricate myself from the situation without causing any further damage. God reminded me, I’m the saved, not the Savior. He doesn’t expect me to fix people’s issues, but love them to the best of my ability, and sometimes, we must love from afar.

Listen well, speak less, and don’t get angry. Seek God’s guidance in tense situations and allow Him to guide you through the storm. You will salvage relationships, have fewer regrets, and enjoy the peace that surpasses all understanding when you do.

Journal Questions:

When have you not listened well, spoken too fast, and let your anger take control?

What can you do to put today’s verse into practice in your life?

When did you take James’ advice in a situation that helped you save the relationship?

Friendship Application:

Practice listening more, speaking less, and staying calm.

Two-minute read.

Thinking about the times my words have brought death to a relationship makes my heart ache with shame. Using meanness as a defense mechanism to keep people away from me worked well. Experiencing the loss of my father in my teens, I never wanted to feel that pain again. In my immature, still-developing brain, I decided that if I didn’t let anyone into my heart, I couldn’t get hurt again. Words helped me accomplish my mission. A quick study, I could effectively shut things down before they ever got started, and I did so many times.

Thankfully, we have a Savior who loves us as He finds us, but doesn’t leave us there. Through Jesus, and my commitment to Him, the Lord healed my heart and showed me the error of my ways. We need people in our lives. Yes, grief comes with love, the cost of giving our heart to people, but the pain we feel pales in comparison to the joy of connecting with others.

Words build a bridge with friends when we speak with love and kindness. Using our language to build others up will create a connection that thrives. People beat themselves up enough; we don’t need to add to it. Life-giving conversation changes the trajectory of our friends’ lives. Just as God empowers us with His promises, sharing them with those we love does the same.

Choose what kind of words you want to use. If what you want to say doesn’t encourage and uplift the receiver, then don’t say it. Put a hand over your mouth to stop you from speaking. Don’t kill a relationship in an emotional moment. Better to wait than to regret. Once words come out, you can’t take them back, no matter how hard you try.

But you can stop and think before speaking, asking God for words that will bring life to those who hear them, and building bridges that last. Jesus shows us the way when we study His teachings. Always encouraging, the Lord didn’t enable or speak with hatred; He talked to everyone in love. Becoming more like Christ means using our words to give life to others, encouraging them on their journey, and spurring them on to abundant living.

Journal Questions:

How have words caused you pain?

In what ways can you build people up with your words?

How does Jesus help you speak with love?

Friendship Application:

Look for opportunities to speak life into those you meet today.

Two-minute read.

Healthy friendships have God at the center. When we put the Lord in the middle of our relationships, we will discover a divine beauty and a spiritual attachment, intricately woven together and braided by the Almighty’s hand. As the days and years go by, the cord of three strands grows stronger, the intimacy more profound, and our hearts will leap for joy at the mention of His name.

Why does trusting God matter? Because if you know the Lord has your back, it gives you strength to face the possible rejection that you may receive from people. Trusting the Savior to love you, no matter how many times you fall, gives you the courage to try. Making the first phone call to a new acquaintance can seem daunting, but no matter what their response, the Creator still loves you, and it blesses Him that you tried.

At Christmas, I love to bake cookies and give them out to people. However, I find giving difficult because the fear of rejection rears its ugly head. At my women’s Bible study, the ladies loved the small gesture, and it warmed their hearts. When I gave the golf pro a bundle of cookie boxes for the entire crew, it touched his heart. No one rejected the gift; all received it with gratitude for the thought behind it. So why would I hesitate? Because of my own insecurities and frailties. The Lord helps me overcome them and gives me the strength to do the right thing. In Him I trust always, and I worship my Savior with songs of praise.

As you begin new relationships, center them around Christ. Follow Jesus’s lead and what He did. Love the unlovable, weep with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice. Join people on their journey, walk with them through their current situation, and help them discover how the Savior can transform their path. Meeting people in their messes and helping them find a way forward builds strong relationships. So many friends have spurred me on through the years, helping me get over the speed bumps and find abundant life in Christ.

Put your trust in God, allowing Him to shield you from rejection as your heart trusts in Him. Let the Savior fill your heart with joy as He leads you into new friendships that bring forth songs of joy from your lips.

Journal Questions:

When has Christ helped you start a new friendship?

How does trusting the Savior give you strength?

In what ways can you put Jesus at the center of your relationships?

Friendship Application:

Take a step of faith with Jesus today in one of your friendships.

Two-minute read.

What we put into our hearts determines what comes out of them. For years, when I worked for Nautica, I listened to crime mysteries while driving around my territory. The stories with violence against women began to affect my sleep, giving me nightmares. Realizing that I had listened to one too many suspense novels, I stopped playing them. Instead, I began listening to church messages, podcasts, and Christian books on different topics. As a result, the nightmares lessened, and my faith grew.

We must protect our hearts. In friendship, that means setting appropriate boundaries. When we discover someone has trust issues, we must keep them at arm’s length; if someone proves themselves trustworthy, we can allow them closer to our hearts. Relationships can only go as deep as the trust between them.

For instance, Jesus proves Himself trustworthy time after time. The more I put His teachings into practice, the deeper my trust and relationship with Him grows. However, the friend whom I discovered lied to me for years, mainly because she lies to herself, has stunted our friendship. Because she constantly lies, I can’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth, and so we have a very distant friendship. Until she becomes healthy, we can’t have a healthy relationship, and I must protect my heart.

Friendship requires boundaries. Within scripture, we discover the Lord’s guidelines for healthy relationships, better than any self-help book. If we develop our friendships over time, setting and adjusting appropriate boundaries happens naturally. We’ll learn to protect our hearts from untrustworthy people and open them to those whom we can trust. Allowing Jesus to lead the way will illuminate our path and help us create fruitful friendships.

When I first discovered my friend’s lying, it devastated me. For months, I asked people, “How can you have a relationship with someone you can’t trust?” No one had an answer for me. But as I prayed through the situation, God opened my eyes to things I hadn’t seen before. Discovering that she lied to herself more than anyone else showed me how to pray. I asked the Lord to give her eyes to see and ears to hear, and prayed she would give her life to the Savior. And I set boundaries that protected my heart until she got the help she needed. We can’t do the work for people; they must do it for themselves, and so I pray she does.

Protective boundaries guard our hearts and allow us to fill them with things of the Lord that will cause an abundance of love to flow from us.

Journal Questions:

When have you let the wrong thing into your heart?

In what ways do you guard your heart?

When have you had to set protective boundaries?

Friendship Application:

Guard your heart by setting protective boundaries for what enters it.

Two-minute read.

God’s timing never ceases to amaze me. A few days ago, I checked on a friend going through difficult times. Texting her, I asked for an update on the situation, telling her I hadn’t stopped praying. While reading my Bible yesterday morning, she texted me back, sharing her broken heart. Reading this verse when I received her update, God gave me the perfect answer for her at the exact time I needed it. Immediately, I responded with today’s verse, praying for her as I did.

To me, when events occur such as the one I described, it proves God’s intimate involvement in our lives. In no way, shape, or form could I have made those circumstances come together. A friend invited me to read the devotional with her a month ago; she couldn’t have known I would need today’s verse at 5:00 a.m. on Dec. 3^rd to respond to a friend in need. Only God knows what the future holds and what we will need when we arrive at that time. Trusting the Lord’s plan over ours takes the pressure off us and places it squarely on the Savior’s shoulders. Jesus already knows what we need long before we need it.

Christ came to tell the truth. He promised us we would have struggles in this world, but take heart, He overcame the world. When life happens and people disappoint us, the Lord has the answer. Never leaving nor forsaking us, we can always trust Jesus and not expect people to do everything perfectly. People will break our trust for one reason or another, but the Savior never does. Like delivering the appropriate verse at the right time, God’s plan unfolds despite our best efforts to stop it.

When people break our hearts, allow the Lord to heal them. Instead of focusing on the pain, lay it at the foot of the cross and receive Christ’s grace and mercy. Set boundaries that protect your heart from further betrayal. If someone proves untrustworthy, don’t doubt their actions; instead, use the information to set boundaries that will protect the incident from happening again. You can overcome the pain with Jesus, who stays close to the broken-hearted and restores crushed spirits.

Trust builds over time, but can break in a moment. Let the Lord heal the heartache as you extend grace, trusting God in all things.

Journal Questions:

How has God’s timing proved perfect in your life?

When have you experienced broken trust?

How has God shown up for your broken heart and crushed spirit?

Friendship Application:

Expect perfection from God, not people.

Two-minute read.

As a Christ follower, we have the safest place of all to find refuge, in the Savior. No matter what we lay at the foot of the cross, Jesus loved and died for us. When God’s Son took His place on the wooden beams, He already knew every ugly thing we would do. The Lord lives outside of our conventional perspective of time. He can mourn with us in the present, but also rejoice over what will happen in the future that we can’t see. When life drops us to our knees, Jesus picks us up, dusts us off, and helps us get back on our feet. When you find yourself in the pit, you quickly discover you have company, and He will never leave nor forsake you.

In the same way, we can create a safe space for our friends. Giving people a judgment-free zone to share their worries and heartaches builds trust. Gratefully, I have many friends who have opened their homes to me, giving me refuge in the storm and an ear to listen. God’s hands and feet on Earth, wrapping me in their arms and helping me heal from life’s hurts.

To create a safe space for friends, you must first open up your heart to them. When we lead in vulnerability, confessing our sins, sharing our hurts, and giving others a glimpse of our hearts, it enables them to share theirs. The Lord will use the pain we’ve experienced to minister to others. He wastes nothing. As we become comfortable telling people our stories, they will want to tell us theirs. Heart connection happens when we intertwine our tales and find that God’s the cord that binds us together.

For example, I have a friend who has transparently shared the highs and lows of her marriage with me, well before I met Ron. During my dating years, she gave me wise advice about potential mates, saving me a lot of heartache, but never judging me if I disagreed with her opinion. When I met and married Ron, her and her husband quickly became mentors to us. We openly share our struggles and frustrations, as well as our joys, with them because of the safe space they created for us.

Intimacy in relationships develops when people can share their stories vulnerably. By creating judgment-free zones for them to open up, you build a more profound friendship that continues to grow over time.

Journal Questions:

Who do you go to when you need a safe space?

In what ways have you created a safe space for friends?

How can you become more vulnerable with your friends?

Friendship Application:

Create a judgment-free zone for your friends that gives them a safe space to open up and share.

Two-minute read.

Referring to a shrewd manager who got caught in his own schemes, today’s verse addresses handling someone else’s property. In Jesus’s parable, the employer finds out his employee has wasted money. In desperation, the worker shrewdly forfeits his pay, which impresses the rich man. Christ’s lesson to use worldly resources to benefit others will make you friends who will welcome you. Trusting someone with a little determines whether you can trust them with a lot.

As we develop relationships, we give our new friends the benefit of the doubt. We expect them to tell us the truth, keep their word, and walk with us on the journey. Becoming that kind of friend helps you develop those kinds of relationships. We can’t expect others to do what we won’t do ourselves.

“Why don’t you become the kind of woman someone would want to marry?” asked the show’s producer.

Watching a reality TV show about a group of single friends, one of the girls desperately wants a husband, but doesn’t want to change her ways. Promiscuous and flirtatious, she enjoys drawing attention to herself with her exploits. When the producer asked this question, she had a flippant reply.

“Why would I want to do that? Why can’t I just have fun and he be okay with that?”

Can you see the dilemma? She wants one thing but acts another way and doesn’t want to compromise her lifestyle. For married ladies, you already know how important compromise becomes in marriage. In the same way, we must become the type of friend we want to have. We can’t expect others to keep our secrets if we won’t keep theirs. Healthy relationships create safe spaces for people to become vulnerable. Having the ability to share our thoughts with someone and have them listen and respond with love develops long-lasting relationships, whether friendship or marriage. If we want trustworthy friends, we must become someone people can trust.

When someone asks you to keep a secret, keep it. If a friend withdraws, go after them and find out why. Put their needs before yours, ask them how you can pray for them, and create a safe space for them to turn to amidst life’s storms. Become the friend you want to have, and you will discover a plethora of friendships that will uplift and encourage your soul.

Journal Questions:

What characteristics do you look for in a friend?

What areas do you need to work on to become the kind of friend you want?

How do you build trust in a relationship?

Friendship Application:

Think of one aspect of friendship you want to work on today and do it.

Two-minute read.

Have you ever made a snap judgment, followed through on it, and then regretted it later? I certainly have, more times than I can even begin to confess. Most of those decisions revolved around taking things personally that had nothing to do with me. But of course, because of my self-absorbed, sinful nature, I made it about me. If only I had sought the Lord before jumping to wrong conclusions and causing harm in the relationship.

One time that sticks out in my mind and makes me cringe happened at a women’s tennis retreat that I led. Captaining a United States Tennis Association (USTA) team, we traveled to Wintergreen for an intensive weekend of training. The tennis pro, whom we had worked with before, didn’t realize I had taken over as team leader. As our Friday night session got underway, he kept addressing the old captain for guidance, ignoring me. And I let his actions get to me. Instead of explaining, I now led the team; I developed an attitude that needed no words, ignoring the easy solution, and allowing my anger to build.

“Is everything ok?” he asked, becoming aware of my negative body language.

“No, I didn’t organize this weekend to come here and be disrespected.”

Lord, how I wish I could take back those words. And how I wish I had put my trust in you first instead of letting my selfish ego take the lead. If I had sought God in prayer, I would have allowed Him to speak to my heart. Instead of letting pride seep into my soul’s core, I would have received the Lord’s grace, which would have softened my heart instead of hardening it. Once we build a wall around our core, it becomes difficult to penetrate. Only when we turn to the Savior will the bricks fall, and our hearts soften.

Instead of letting anger build, I could have resolved the situation with kind words and not caused the cringeworthy memory. Once the pro realized his mistake, he quickly adjusted his approach, and things went well the rest of the weekend. But I still feel bad for my harsh words and wish I could take them back.

Instead of jumping to quick conclusions from your limited perspective, ask the Savior for His viewpoint. Let God lead you on the right path by allowing Him to go first. Trust in Jesus, follow His cues, and you will have healthier relationships and fewer regrets.

Journal Questions:

When has a quick judgment damaged a relationship in your life?

How can you find ways to pause and seek God’s viewpoint before acting?

In what ways can you actively trust the Savior first?

Friendship Application:

Ask God to give you His perspective on a problematic relationship.

Two-minute read.

Batah, the original Hebrew word for trust, means to rely on, put confidence in; to lead to believe, make trust.[1] God truly teaches us what trust means. Keeping His promises from thousands of years ago, Jesus’s life and death on the cross fulfilled over 300 prophecies about Him. We have the luxury of hindsight: reading the scriptures written by over 40 authors over 1600 years from 1500 BC to 100 AD, we can see how God kept His word, which makes Him trustworthy. To define trust, we can look to the Savior for guidance.

When I first started walking with Jesus as an adult, I took tiny steps. Finding scripture that applied to my situation, I would take a step of obedience and see what happened. Getting baptized, the full dunk, developed my relationship with God. At first, I didn’t understand why the church I attended placed such an emphasis on baptism, so I scheduled an appointment with the pastor to explain the importance of getting soaked. Walking me through the scriptures, he outlined the importance of publicly declaring your faith in Christ. Compelled by the pastor’s words, I entered the baptismal pool the following Sunday and experienced a life change. I felt the Spirit of the Lord descend upon me as I came up out of the water. I have no other way to explain the moment than to say it sealed my relationship with the Savior, and life began anew.

And for those who wonder, placing your faith in Jesus opens the door to salvation, not baptism. But publicly declaring your faith through the baptismal waters does deepen your relationship with God in a way you can only understand through doing it. Applying God’s word to your life will build your trust in Him and help you know what it means to have complete faith in the Savior.

In friendships, we build trust by doing the next right thing: keeping our word, showing up when needed, putting their needs before ours, investing in their lives with our time and talents, all things Christ does for us. Become trustworthy by following the Savior, experiencing His perfect peace, and then sharing it with others. Confidence in Jesus will help you build confidence in your relationships.

Journal Questions:

How has Jesus taught you about trust?

List ways the Savior shows His trustworthiness.

How can you build trust in your relationships by following Christ?

Friendship Application:

Build trust in your friendships by applying Jesus’s teachings to your relationships.

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[1] NIV Exhaustive Concordance Dictionary Copyright © 2015 by Zondervan.