Category: Uncategorized

Two-minute read.

God hears every word we say and think; He knows the meditation of our hearts. And I must confess, I’m not proud of some of the words, thoughts, and meditations I’ve had in the past. However, I have immense gratitude to the Lord for showing me the error of my ways and for helping me capture my thoughts and make them obedient to Christ.

“You demonize people,” Ron told me early in our marriage. Working through a conflict with a friend, I could see nothing good about them, only focusing on the bad. Using confirmation bias, I searched for things they did or said that would affirm my belief that I disliked them. Because they had hurt me, the pain closed my eyes to anything good. Ron helped me understand that people have both good and bad. I have both; we all do. And when we look for the bad, we will find it, but if we look for the good, we will see it as well.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Meditating on God’s word will help us not demonize people, but instead, accept them as imperfect people. Only Jesus lived a perfect life; for the rest of us, we fall short of the mark and require grace. Choosing to meditate on scripture allows us to please God with the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts. Now, when I get hurt, instead of meditating on the pain, I give it to the Lord and let Him heal my heart. By doing so, I can look below the surface and see the person’s own hurt that caused the action, or maybe they didn’t mean to hurt me at all, completely unintentional. Either way, the Creator reveals the truth to me, helping me extend grace and love as Jesus did.

Center your thoughts on the Savior, meditate on His teachings. The more we focus on God, the more pleasing our words and meditations will become. As we allow the Lord to search our hearts, revealing iniquities, the purer it will become. Only when we shed light in the darkness can we become bearers of the light. Jesus leads us in the way of righteousness; the better we follow, the more we will become like Him.

Journal Questions:

When have you said, thought, or meditated on the wrong thing?

In what ways can you focus your thoughts on Jesus?

How do you think meditating on God’s word will help you live more abundantly?

Friendship Application:

Focus your heart and mind on Jesus and let Him lead you in His ways.

Two-minute read.

“I suck.”

“You can’t say that.”

“Well, I didn’t follow through.”

“You can say I didn’t follow through, but you can’t say I suck. I was a tennis coach for ten years, and one of my pet peeves is negative thinking. I’m working on it myself.”

Playing in a charity golf tournament for Toys for Tots, Ron and I shared a foursome with a grandfather and his grandson, a sophomore in high school. Our young friend put extreme pressure on himself and expected perfection out of every shot, quickly becoming discouraged. As we played the 18-hole tournament, I took every opportunity possible to encourage and uplift him. No, he wouldn’t go on the professional tour anytime soon, but based on his performance, he would have an incredible golf game. The younger you start playing the challenging game, the better you get at it, as in anything.

The more you practice encouraging others, the better you will become at it. Coaching helped me become more aware of my language and taught me to use uplifting and encouraging words with my students. Kids put a lot of pressure on themselves for many different reasons; helping them learn to manage that pressure and develop realistic expectations without limiting their potential takes intention. We must first recognize our power to influence people with words, then decide if we want to build people up or tear them down.

Some people do want to tear others down. And, before I knew Jesus, I took my pain out on others with destructive words that destroyed relationships. Placing my faith in the Savior began the transformation that helped me use my words more positively. No matter how perfect a person’s life looks on the outside, they have struggles that no one knows exist. The more people I get to know, the more I become aware of this fact. When you hear people’s stories, they will amaze you. The pain and suffering people endure and the strength they find in Christ will inspire and give you hope.

Determine today to become an encourager. Speak words of life to people that encourage and inspire them to become who God created them to become. Before our mothers gave birth to us, the Lord had a plan for our lives. Helping others discover and live out the Creator’s will for them happens when we build each other up. Starting today, become an encourager and enjoy the blessing of watching others blossom and bloom.

Journal Questions:

Who has encouraged you with their words?

How have you seen your words impact someone else’s life?

What do you need to work on today to become an encourager?

Friendship Application:

Use uplifting and encouraging words to build people up.

Two-minute read.

Dispelling lies creates unity. We can’t allow deception to take away from the integrity of the gospel. Jesus came to tell the truth, and He did so with love. Everyone falls short of the mark, sinners in need of grace. Accepting the reality of our human condition helps us submit our lives to Christ, confess and repent, receive the grace He offers, and become a new creation in Him. As Jesus told the adulterous woman, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Once we recognize our sin, we must stop doing it.

However, sometimes we can’t see the error of our ways, and we need someone to point them out to us in love. Or, we need to speak truth in love to someone else. Whatever information we share, we must do it in love. If we can’t speak in love, we shouldn’t say it at all. Words spoken for any other motive will only cause more harm.

My husband can speak words into my life that no one else can because of his love for me. When Ron confronts an issue in my life, something I need to address, I know it comes from a place of unconditional love. However, if someone else tried to tell me the same thing, I might not listen because it doesn’t come from the same place. People have ulterior motives, and they don’t always come couched in love.

The better we become at speaking in love to others, the more we will become like Christ. Remembering, Jesus gave His life for us because He wants the best for us; He helps us want the same for others. When we see someone heading down a destructive path, in love, we try to stop them by pointing out the truth with care and tenderness. In scripture, we see many examples of the Savior speaking in love to help others avoid pain, but not everyone accepts it. The rich young ruler couldn’t give up his wealth to follow Jesus, no matter how lovingly Christ spoke to the man (Mark 10:17-27). But we can still try, just as the Savior did.

Learn from Jesus how to couch your language in love. Speak truth with caring and conviction and help others find the fullness of life Christ so desires for us. Only when we live in truth will we fully appreciate our journey and live the abundant life God’s Son died to give us.

Journal Questions:

Who speaks truth in love well in your life?

How has someone sharing the truth with you helped you avoid pain?

How can you become better at speaking the truth in love?

Friendship Application:

Practice speaking the truth in love by doing what Jesus did.

Two-minute read.

“What seems to be the problem here?”

As a store manager, I handled all the conflicts that arose in my shop. Typically, the conflict involved how the sales associate dealt with a situation. They might not have the answer to the customer’s question, or the guest might have felt disrespected or unheard. Rarely did the problem arise from a product issue; instead, it came from a people issue. Easily offended customers can always find something to cause a ruckus over.

Lowering my voice and speaking in a calm, quiet tone made the customer focus and listen, immediately de-escalating the issue. Usually, within minutes, we could find a solution to their complaint and part ways amicably. However, if I came in guns-a-blazing, accusing the customer of whatever, that did no one any good and only caused tempers to flare. How we handle conflict determines how quickly we can work through it.

Learning to remain calm and give a gentle answer deflects anger. Like a fire, if we don’t feed it, the flames die. But the more fuel we provide the flames, the longer the fire will burn. We can decide whether to keep the argument going or diffuse it by stopping the feeding. One study found that 45% of disinformation and argumentative comments on social media came from bots, computers programmed to inflame and lie to people, keeping the fire going and causing chaos.[1]

Gentle answers diffuse negative emotions and help resolve conflict. As Christ’s followers, we should share peace, not strife. Jesus revolutionized the world, but He did so with love and compassion, not anger and hatred. We will have conflict in life, as the Savior did, and, like Him, we have a choice about how we handle it. Responding with love will diffuse the situation, while letting anger take control only makes it worse.

Typically, when someone wants to argue, it becomes evident quickly. Like a customer looking for a discount by causing a conflict, we can choose to engage or defer. Before we respond, we must decide how we want the conversation to go. I’ve learned that most arguments don’t deserve the energy it takes to fuel them. Finding a peaceful compromise takes less energy and honors the Savior by restoring the relationship. Lowering our voices and speaking gently will help resolve conflicts quickly and bring peace to those involved.

Journal Questions:

When has responding with harsh words caused you more problems?

In what ways can you give a gentle answer during conflicts?

How can you spread peace today?

Friendship Application:

Resolve to speak with gentle words and create peaceful relationships.

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[1] https://www.kare11.com/article/news/local/kare11-extras/to-catch-a-bot-social-medias-growing-problem-with-aritificial-intelligence/89-d2dcdcb9-59cd-4300-9d2e-ae1aefe3a7ce#:~:text=Their%20report%20claimed%2045%25%20of%20them%20were,fake%20accounts%20that%20were%20pushing%20a%20specific

Two-minute read.

Using uplifting and encouraging words will build healthy relationships. Everyone has struggles we can’t see; they don’t need abusive language to make them feel worse. Grace-filled language says everything with love. We need to speak truth, but we must do so with kindness, not with hurtful motivations. A few months ago, I heard this statement:

“Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don’t say it mean.”

Unfortunately, I forgot where I heard the words, but I haven’t forgotten the sentiment behind them. No matter what news we must deliver, we can do it well if we couch it in grace. As an ex-mean girl, I know how to do damage with words. But saying hurtful things only revealed the state of my heart, and the pain I felt inside. As I allowed Jesus to heal my hurts, He changed my speech.

Until we can say things with love, we shouldn’t say them at all. If someone presses you on a topic you don’t want to discuss, you always have the option of saying, “I’m not ready to talk about it. I need more time.” Better to wait until you have a clearer perspective than to force an issue that could create problems. Malicious gossip and slander cause irreparable damage, and we shouldn’t partake in any of it. Unwholesome talk of any kind destroys relationships, and we must remain vigilant in what we say.

Words have the power to hurt others. But they also have the power to heal them. If we study Jesus’s speech, we will learn how to use our language to help others, not hurt them. A Master of conversation, Christ asked questions that gave people insight into their actions. Speaking with love, the Lord always has the receiver’s best interest at heart. He never told lies, gossiped, or slandered anyone, but with grace and kindness, the Savior addressed everyone with honesty and love.

Speak only with grace and watch your relationships flourish. Learn from God’s Son how to talk to others and build people up with every word you say. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Become an encourager and let the Lord work through you by speaking only uplifting, encouraging words. Represent Jesus well, not only in what you do, but also in what you say.

Journal Questions:

When have you spoken words you wish you could take back?

How can you become better at speaking the truth in love?

Who needs to hear uplifting and encouraging words from you?

Friendship Application:

Make saying only uplifting and encouraging words a rule in your life.

Two-minute read.

As a person who has struggled with anger issues in the past, today’s verse holds a special place in my heart. Memorizing the 22 words years ago, “slow to get angry,” always comes to mind when I’m faced with a tense situation. Anger rarely produces good fruit, often destroying relationships and causing irrevocable harm. By not speaking, we don’t say things we regret, and when we take the time to listen, we’ll often learn that the person’s complaint has more to do with an issue they struggle with than with something we have done.

Recently, a friend got upset with me because I didn’t do things the way she wanted. When she first started unloading on me, it took me by surprise. Out of nowhere, she began ranting about something completely out of my control. Once she realized I hadn’t caused the problem, she changed her tone and started attacking me from a different angle. Eventually, I discovered her ugly words had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. She had an agenda I knew nothing about, and because the events hadn’t happened as she expected, she couldn’t complete her desired schedule.

During that period of listening to her rant, I prayed for guidance and words from above. Nothing came to me, so I took God’s silence as a cue to stay silent and not engage. Amazingly, I didn’t get angry at her words but recognized they had more to do with her issues than anything I had done. Not speaking helped minimize the situation, not adding fuel to the fire of her words. The few times I spoke only caused another unexpected tangent, so I remained silent and counted down the moments until I could leave, extricating myself from the situation.

Listening in that moment allowed me to discern the truth. Not speaking helped me inject calm into the situation, and not taking her words personally and not getting angry kept the moment from escalating further. By allowing the Lord to lead my actions, I managed to keep my emotions under control, not say anything I regretted, and extricate myself from the situation without causing any further damage. God reminded me, I’m the saved, not the Savior. He doesn’t expect me to fix people’s issues, but love them to the best of my ability, and sometimes, we must love from afar.

Listen well, speak less, and don’t get angry. Seek God’s guidance in tense situations and allow Him to guide you through the storm. You will salvage relationships, have fewer regrets, and enjoy the peace that surpasses all understanding when you do.

Journal Questions:

When have you not listened well, spoken too fast, and let your anger take control?

What can you do to put today’s verse into practice in your life?

When did you take James’ advice in a situation that helped you save the relationship?

Friendship Application:

Practice listening more, speaking less, and staying calm.

Two-minute read.

Thinking about the times my words have brought death to a relationship makes my heart ache with shame. Using meanness as a defense mechanism to keep people away from me worked well. Experiencing the loss of my father in my teens, I never wanted to feel that pain again. In my immature, still-developing brain, I decided that if I didn’t let anyone into my heart, I couldn’t get hurt again. Words helped me accomplish my mission. A quick study, I could effectively shut things down before they ever got started, and I did so many times.

Thankfully, we have a Savior who loves us as He finds us, but doesn’t leave us there. Through Jesus, and my commitment to Him, the Lord healed my heart and showed me the error of my ways. We need people in our lives. Yes, grief comes with love, the cost of giving our heart to people, but the pain we feel pales in comparison to the joy of connecting with others.

Words build a bridge with friends when we speak with love and kindness. Using our language to build others up will create a connection that thrives. People beat themselves up enough; we don’t need to add to it. Life-giving conversation changes the trajectory of our friends’ lives. Just as God empowers us with His promises, sharing them with those we love does the same.

Choose what kind of words you want to use. If what you want to say doesn’t encourage and uplift the receiver, then don’t say it. Put a hand over your mouth to stop you from speaking. Don’t kill a relationship in an emotional moment. Better to wait than to regret. Once words come out, you can’t take them back, no matter how hard you try.

But you can stop and think before speaking, asking God for words that will bring life to those who hear them, and building bridges that last. Jesus shows us the way when we study His teachings. Always encouraging, the Lord didn’t enable or speak with hatred; He talked to everyone in love. Becoming more like Christ means using our words to give life to others, encouraging them on their journey, and spurring them on to abundant living.

Journal Questions:

How have words caused you pain?

In what ways can you build people up with your words?

How does Jesus help you speak with love?

Friendship Application:

Look for opportunities to speak life into those you meet today.

Two-minute read.

Healthy friendships have God at the center. When we put the Lord in the middle of our relationships, we will discover a divine beauty and a spiritual attachment, intricately woven together and braided by the Almighty’s hand. As the days and years go by, the cord of three strands grows stronger, the intimacy more profound, and our hearts will leap for joy at the mention of His name.

Why does trusting God matter? Because if you know the Lord has your back, it gives you strength to face the possible rejection that you may receive from people. Trusting the Savior to love you, no matter how many times you fall, gives you the courage to try. Making the first phone call to a new acquaintance can seem daunting, but no matter what their response, the Creator still loves you, and it blesses Him that you tried.

At Christmas, I love to bake cookies and give them out to people. However, I find giving difficult because the fear of rejection rears its ugly head. At my women’s Bible study, the ladies loved the small gesture, and it warmed their hearts. When I gave the golf pro a bundle of cookie boxes for the entire crew, it touched his heart. No one rejected the gift; all received it with gratitude for the thought behind it. So why would I hesitate? Because of my own insecurities and frailties. The Lord helps me overcome them and gives me the strength to do the right thing. In Him I trust always, and I worship my Savior with songs of praise.

As you begin new relationships, center them around Christ. Follow Jesus’s lead and what He did. Love the unlovable, weep with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice. Join people on their journey, walk with them through their current situation, and help them discover how the Savior can transform their path. Meeting people in their messes and helping them find a way forward builds strong relationships. So many friends have spurred me on through the years, helping me get over the speed bumps and find abundant life in Christ.

Put your trust in God, allowing Him to shield you from rejection as your heart trusts in Him. Let the Savior fill your heart with joy as He leads you into new friendships that bring forth songs of joy from your lips.

Journal Questions:

When has Christ helped you start a new friendship?

How does trusting the Savior give you strength?

In what ways can you put Jesus at the center of your relationships?

Friendship Application:

Take a step of faith with Jesus today in one of your friendships.

Two-minute read.

What we put into our hearts determines what comes out of them. For years, when I worked for Nautica, I listened to crime mysteries while driving around my territory. The stories with violence against women began to affect my sleep, giving me nightmares. Realizing that I had listened to one too many suspense novels, I stopped playing them. Instead, I began listening to church messages, podcasts, and Christian books on different topics. As a result, the nightmares lessened, and my faith grew.

We must protect our hearts. In friendship, that means setting appropriate boundaries. When we discover someone has trust issues, we must keep them at arm’s length; if someone proves themselves trustworthy, we can allow them closer to our hearts. Relationships can only go as deep as the trust between them.

For instance, Jesus proves Himself trustworthy time after time. The more I put His teachings into practice, the deeper my trust and relationship with Him grows. However, the friend whom I discovered lied to me for years, mainly because she lies to herself, has stunted our friendship. Because she constantly lies, I can’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth, and so we have a very distant friendship. Until she becomes healthy, we can’t have a healthy relationship, and I must protect my heart.

Friendship requires boundaries. Within scripture, we discover the Lord’s guidelines for healthy relationships, better than any self-help book. If we develop our friendships over time, setting and adjusting appropriate boundaries happens naturally. We’ll learn to protect our hearts from untrustworthy people and open them to those whom we can trust. Allowing Jesus to lead the way will illuminate our path and help us create fruitful friendships.

When I first discovered my friend’s lying, it devastated me. For months, I asked people, “How can you have a relationship with someone you can’t trust?” No one had an answer for me. But as I prayed through the situation, God opened my eyes to things I hadn’t seen before. Discovering that she lied to herself more than anyone else showed me how to pray. I asked the Lord to give her eyes to see and ears to hear, and prayed she would give her life to the Savior. And I set boundaries that protected my heart until she got the help she needed. We can’t do the work for people; they must do it for themselves, and so I pray she does.

Protective boundaries guard our hearts and allow us to fill them with things of the Lord that will cause an abundance of love to flow from us.

Journal Questions:

When have you let the wrong thing into your heart?

In what ways do you guard your heart?

When have you had to set protective boundaries?

Friendship Application:

Guard your heart by setting protective boundaries for what enters it.

Two-minute read.

God’s timing never ceases to amaze me. A few days ago, I checked on a friend going through difficult times. Texting her, I asked for an update on the situation, telling her I hadn’t stopped praying. While reading my Bible yesterday morning, she texted me back, sharing her broken heart. Reading this verse when I received her update, God gave me the perfect answer for her at the exact time I needed it. Immediately, I responded with today’s verse, praying for her as I did.

To me, when events occur such as the one I described, it proves God’s intimate involvement in our lives. In no way, shape, or form could I have made those circumstances come together. A friend invited me to read the devotional with her a month ago; she couldn’t have known I would need today’s verse at 5:00 a.m. on Dec. 3^rd to respond to a friend in need. Only God knows what the future holds and what we will need when we arrive at that time. Trusting the Lord’s plan over ours takes the pressure off us and places it squarely on the Savior’s shoulders. Jesus already knows what we need long before we need it.

Christ came to tell the truth. He promised us we would have struggles in this world, but take heart, He overcame the world. When life happens and people disappoint us, the Lord has the answer. Never leaving nor forsaking us, we can always trust Jesus and not expect people to do everything perfectly. People will break our trust for one reason or another, but the Savior never does. Like delivering the appropriate verse at the right time, God’s plan unfolds despite our best efforts to stop it.

When people break our hearts, allow the Lord to heal them. Instead of focusing on the pain, lay it at the foot of the cross and receive Christ’s grace and mercy. Set boundaries that protect your heart from further betrayal. If someone proves untrustworthy, don’t doubt their actions; instead, use the information to set boundaries that will protect the incident from happening again. You can overcome the pain with Jesus, who stays close to the broken-hearted and restores crushed spirits.

Trust builds over time, but can break in a moment. Let the Lord heal the heartache as you extend grace, trusting God in all things.

Journal Questions:

How has God’s timing proved perfect in your life?

When have you experienced broken trust?

How has God shown up for your broken heart and crushed spirit?

Friendship Application:

Expect perfection from God, not people.